Saturday, December 7, 2019

Specks And Logs

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.” – Luke 6:42

My pastor in college used to say, “if something bothers you about someone, ask what same thing God is trying to reveal in you.” It was generally annoying advice. I recall attempting to apply it a few times, but finding it easier to avoid bothersome people. But lately, I’ve been thinking about this in parenting, where one can’t exactly avoid annoyances. 

Have you considered that when your children sin, God is dealing with you as much as with your child? He is showing you something about this sin and its consequences in your life, as much as in your child’s life? He is revealing something about his grace for you as much as his grace for your child?

I’m not sure this is true in every instance, but it seems a principle worth considering. Jesus doesn’t say, just ignore the speck in your brother’s eye: he says, first take out your own log so you can see better how to take out the speck. The prerequisite for communicating the gospel to our children is that we have an ongoing experience of it ourselves, and the more we experience it in a particular area of sin, the more clearly we can show our children the gospel in that area. After all, that is the point. It’s easy just to point our children to the law when they sin. To issue an order, throw out a punishment, and walk out of the room. But that’s not parenting. Our kids sometimes do need negative consequences, but it can’t stop there. The law is not a change-agent. I am not a change-agent. I can only point my kids to the gospel. It is grace that changes them.

For some reason, when confronted with misbehavior in our children, it’s so easy to become self-righteous. To say, “Why did you wait until the last minute?” when we too procrastinate. “Why are you fighting over such a small thing?” when we too lose perspective on what’s important. “Why can’t you just stop and let your brother have his way for once?” when we can be just as stubborn about what we want. But when we see these things in ourselves, it’s easier to come alongside our children. It’s easier to see that the heart of the problem is not only the immediate situation but what that situation reveals about the sin in us. That what we need is not only a situational fix but utter rescue. It’s easier to say something like how Paul Tripp puts it: “I know exactly how you got into this mess because I’m like you. But hear me, son. There’s help for you and me. Because God sent his son to live the life that we could never live on our own, to rise again and conquer sin and death, we can be rescued from ourselves.”

As we ask God to show us the logs in our own eyes, he transforms us too. Through Eric, I’ve seen how self-centeredness and pursuing goals to the detriment of relationships has led to losses in my past, and I’ve asked God to help me live differently. Through Ellie, I’ve seen how I tend to sinfully judge emotional women, and how part of God’s rescuing story is allowing me to experience my own emotions and worries within his loving presence. How have you experienced the sins you see in your children in your own past? What trace of those sins do you find now in your life? How has God revealed his grace to you in these areas? 

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