Overlooking Offense

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” – Proverbs 19:11

Being around the same people at home for extended periods of time has its own challenges. Introverts have lost routines for solitude, extroverts have lost social gatherings. We’ve all lost physical outlets like gym classes and team sports. And there are a million small ways we annoy each other. We’ve gotten to the point where, if the kids can last two hours without someone crying, screaming, or fighting, they get to put a marble in the jar (“is this teaching emotional suppression?” I asked my friend. “Nah,” she replied. “I call it emotional regulation.”). A full jar earns them a movie night, and even though this has resulted in some interesting behaviors (“just wait ten minutes before you cry—we’re almost at the two-hour mark!”), rare are the days we make it all the way through without some kind of emotional outburst.

Sometimes increased proximity unearths issues worth talking about. But part of living together is learning how to overlook an offense. That verb literally means “to let pass by,” as if you are standing on a bridge, watching water flow by under you. Overlooking is not passive: it is not refusing to respond, or burying your feelings inside. Overlooking is actively acknowledging an offense exists, and then consciously deciding to let it go, let it flow down that stream out of view. Not holding it against someone. 

This verse says to do so is our glory: this word means ornament, and is often used to describe outward adornment, like jeweled stones (Exodus 28:2, Ezekiel 23:26), anklets and headbands (Isaiah 3:18), or crowns (Proverbs 4:9, Isaiah 62:3, Ezekiel 23:42). To overlook an offense is not weakness. It is our splendor, something which adds visibly to our beauty. It shapes our characters and gives us an inner beauty that shines out. But in another sense, when we do this we walk in Christlikeness, putting on the very glory of a God who himself is our adornment: “In that day the Lord of hosts will be a crown of glory, and a diadem of beauty, to the remnant of his people” (Isaiah 28:5).

Overlooking an offense does not come without cost. It can take emotional reserve, mental energy, time and effort. But this is how we learn to be slow to anger, to respond with sense rather than react without thought. And in the end, it can become something of great beauty.