Contagious Emotions

“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” – Proverbs 22:24-25

I remember being struck in medical school by how easy it is to absorb the emotions of my patients. In my desire to be empathetic, I found myself unconsciously acquiring their emotions: feeling more perturbed after seeing an anxious patient, more upset after seeing a hostile patient, more glum after seeing someone who was depressed. 

Apparently this is a phenomenon known as “emotional contagion.” We tend to imitate the facial expressions, postures, and vocal tones of those around us, and because expressions can affect emotions, our feelings are changed as well. Fascinatingly, this process of mimicry happens so quickly and unconsciously that few of us are aware of it. A Wharton professor once separated students into small groups; in each group he planted a student expressing a particular emotion. Those with someone in the group expressing enthusiasm or happiness perceived themselves as more competent and cooperative compared with those in groups with someone expressing hostility or depression—but when asked what influenced how they performed, they attributed it entirely to their own skills. 

This proverb warns us to be cautious when it comes to being influenced by others’ emotions, lest we become entangled unawares. Maybe this means avoiding certain situations, setting emotional boundaries, or simply learning to read emotional subtexts. Many days I find that the hardest part of homeschooling is managing not the teaching content or zoom schedules, but the emotional vicissitudes of my children. It takes intentionality to empathize without internalizing too deeply, to respond instead of react, to reflect feelings while remaining stable. Frequently I find that absorbing their emotions to some degree is unavoidable, and in order to have the emotional reserves to do that, I have to set boundaries for time for myself. I find myself having to deal with this all to an unprecedented degree these days, but as this proverb reminds us, these are important skills that are worth our attention and practice.