Self-Care

“For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” – Jeremiah 31:25

There’s a scene in the show Never Have I Ever where Ben’s mom says to him as she’s strolling out the door, “Hey sweetie! No time to talk; I’m going to a self-actualization retreat in Santa Barbara.” “Didn’t you just do that?” Ben asks. She replies, “No, I went to a mindfulness workshop in Santa Clara. Very different philosophies, but equally important.” “Okay, sure. Uh, have fun.” “It’s not fun, Ben. It’s work. On me. So I can be a better mom, to you! Gotta run!”

It didn’t take me long after moving here to realize the Bay Area has its own particular brand of self-care. One article describes it as the counterpoint to mindfulness. If mindfulness is noticing what is happening around you to more fully experience it, self-care gives you permission to ignore exactly that in the focus on yourself and your feelings. The irony of that scene, of course, is that Ben’s mom is so busy taking care of herself that she’s never there for her son. For a while, I eschewed the term because it smacked of wealth and privilege, of aphoristic band-aids for pervasive anxiety, of yet another thing to optimize or look to for affirmation or identity.

But the truth is, we do have to learn how to take care of ourselves. Especially now, moms are struggling with burnout, as we take care of our kids without breaks for an unprecedented length of time. Self-care itself is not bad, but Bay Area self-care and Biblical self-care differ in one important regard: their origin. Bay Area self-care originates from the self: you are the one endorsing yourself as vulnerable and worthy of care; you are the one extending yourself compassion. You are using self-care as a way to help yourself become the person you want to be. 

Biblical self-care, on the other hand, originates from God. God, not yourself, has endorsed you as being vulnerable and worthy of care. God is the one, and the only one, who can extend you the forgiveness and compassion you need. God has created you for regular rhythms of rest, and through it he allows you to become the person he created you to be. Self-care is not escape from anxiety. It is not indulgence for indulgence’s sake. It is always, at its heart, an experience of God, of receiving His grace as shown us through our rest and life-giving activities, and then of experiencing his glory through it. It occurs in the context of our relationship with Him, and that is why it goes beyond something that simply helps us “feel good” or “get away,” to something that gives life, that not only satisfies but replenishes. Listen to the repetition in that verse: “I will… I will…” Do you hear that promise? Do you hear that invitation? Do you make time to care for yourself? Do you know what is not merely entertaining, but life-giving for you? What keeps your soul? What reclaims who you are as God’s beloved, to whom he gives his rest?