Ups and Downs

“And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid. But many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers’ houses, old men who had seen the first house, wept with a loud voice when they saw the foundation of this house being laid, though many shouted aloud for joy, so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the joyful shout from the sound of the people’s weeping.” – Ezra 3:11-13

When people ask me how I am doing these days, the phrase I keep going back to is “up and down.” Some days I parent so well I wish I could tell someone about it; other days I struggle constantly with losing it at the kids. Some days it seems like the kids are growing closer; others like they won’t stop fighting. Some days I’m able to reflect on what the isolation and monotony are revealing; other days I give in to the temptation to escape in whatever way I can. Some days I appreciate those I live with; other days everything they do seems to annoy me. Some days I’m able to maintain perspective; other days the anger and sadness are overwhelming.

I struggle with berating myself for all this lability. But here in Ezra we see an experience full of ups and downs, starts and stops. After fifty years of exile in Babylon, the Israelites return to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple, only to have to pause for fifteen years before being allowed to continue. And even at this first laying down of the foundation, there is both joyful shouting and loud weeping. Irrepressible happiness, and deep sorrow, mingled together until one sound could not be distinguished from the other. To some, this was victory, return and restoration; to others, a reminder of what was lost and of the difficult days since.

The sorrow is as rightful as the joy. There are ups and downs, at times coexisting such that they cannot be separated into tidy categories or logical flowcharts. The spiritual life was never meant to be as linear as I think we’d all like it to be. Our struggles with temptation and sin, our sharing of the gospel, our wrestling with idols, our experience of trials come with both shouts of joy and wails of sorrow, with both triumph and regret. 

The first stone that is laid in a foundation is the cornerstone. It did two things: it was load-bearing, providing stability, and it was line-determining, providing direction. Lloyd writes that the cornerstone is the “stone at the angle of the structure by which the architect fixes a standard for the bearings of the walls and cross-walls throughout.” Christ Jesus is our cornerstone (Ephesians 2:20). He bears the load of all our experiences, and he is the immovable compass through all our ups and downs. Before him, we can shout our shouts and sob our sobs; he can bear it all, and he can show us the way through.