Waiting Is Open-Ended

“The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way.” – Psalm 37:23

“I have found it very important in my own life to let go of my wishes and start hoping.” – Henri Nouwen

We live in a culture where the goal of life is self-actualization and self-fulfillment, where the ultimate source of authority is self. When that is cloaked with Christianity, what comes out is something like, “I say I believe in God but I still want what I want, how and when I want it.” Moreover, our little resource-steeped pocket of the country promotes to a unique degree the belief that any outcome can be achieved through optimization. All of it leads to a sense of control that becomes habitual, instinctive without our even realizing it. Our universe revolves mostly around ourselves and our abilities.

Nouwen says there are two ways to wait. One is to wait as a way of controlling the future. When we do this, we wait for something concrete, something we wish to have. Much of our waiting, he writes, is filled with these wishes: “I wish the weather would be better” (he obviously didn’t live here). “I wish the pain would go.” When things don’t go in the specific directions we desire, we slip into anxiety, disappointment, or despair.

The other way to wait is to wait open-endedly. When we do this, we give up control over our future. We let God define our life, trusting in His love over our fear, trusting that new things may come that are far beyond our own imagination or prediction. When we wait in this way, we have hope. Nouwen writes that “Hope is trusting that something will be fulfilled, but fulfilled according to the promises and not just according to our wishes. Therefore, hope is always open-ended.”

This reminded me of something he wrote in his book Discernment: “In retrospect, many of the good and important things that have happened to me in life were completely unexpected. And many things that I thought would happen to me did not occur. As I reflect on this reality, it is clear that God is present in the events of my life, yet I act and speak as if I am in control. But if the future is not in my hands, then I have all the more reason to stay in the present and give honor and glory to God from where I am.” 

How am I waiting? With anxiety, or with hope? Is my trust actually in myself, in my plans, or in God? Who do I believe ultimately establishes every step of my life: myself, my efforts, my machinations, or Yahweh-Lord? God doesn’t want me to wait with a grudging kind of open-endedness. He wants me to release control so I can step into delight and true hope. He wants my waiting to be a new kind of experience of His love, His character, and His goodness in my life. May it be so.