Kindness

“But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit.” – Titus 3:4-5

When my children do something that annoys me, my first impulse is to lecture their behavior. Why can’t you be less prone to disproportionate emotional reactions, or more eager to share, or more willing to clean up or do lessons? In other words, why can’t you be more righteous? But the practical lesson I’m learning these days is that kindness always goes farther. Kindness means I begin by thinking about the situation from their perspective, not mine. It means I approach them with compassion and am willing to withhold some measure of judgment. It means I respond to them instead of react to the situation.

What I’ve learned to do is simply leave the room when I’m becoming annoyed, going somewhere where I can calm down, and sort through my own emotions before I begin to deal with theirs. It’s a bit like how the emergency oxygen bags work on airplanes. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t leave my child gasping for air longer than I have to, but neither am I going to be of any good helping them if I haven’t applied my own mask first. 

These moments—when I’m fuming in my head about how frustrated I am, yet knowing I’ve got to go back out there and do the right thing—are the real struggles of my day. But these moments are when the gospel most plays out in our home lives. These moments are opportunities for me to make the gospel most real to them. What is the gospel, but that we cannot be saved through our attempts to be righteous, that Jesus has saved us through his loving kindness and now is renewing us through the Holy Spirit? If I lecture in anger, I have lost the opportunity. I have hit them over the heads with the law but not extended grace. Yes, the law must be understood, but it is kindness that brings us to repentance. The more I understand God’s kindness to me, the more I let go of my own agenda and inconveniences, the more I can extend that kindness to my children.