Arrows, Part Two: Children And Purpose

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” – Psalm 127:4-5

How are children like arrows? An arrow is pulled back, but then moves swiftly: you get a small window of time, and then it’s gone (“the days are long, but the years are short,” as they say). But during that time, when the arrow is pulled back, it is aimed. A warrior has an intention when he picks up an arrow: we steward our children through purpose. 

What is your vision for your kids? What are you aiming for? I’ve been surprised by how hard it is to articulate an answer to that question. So often, the forest gets lost for the trees: any sense of purpose one carries into parenting degenerates into an endless succession of chores and tasks, and it becomes hard to see the big picture. It becomes easier to function on auto-pilot, going from stage to stage doing what it seems like everyone else is doing, from buying the most popular baby equipment to registering early for the hottest summer camps. From what I can tell, people here aim to produce well-behaved, socially-aware children who also never stray below an A, play several instruments and sports, and get into an elite college. And preferably move back and have grandchildren nearby.

Not that any of those things are necessarily bad, but they have nothing to do with this verse. Arrows are not made for comfort, or to look good; they are not accessories, but weapons. They are made to be launched, to be let go of, to be released into a place its launcher will never go themselves. They are meant for mission. When Jim Elliot was explaining to his parents why he would leave a promising career in the United States to serve as a missionary in South America, he said: “What is a quiver full of but arrows? And what are arrows for but to shoot? So, with the strong arms of prayer, draw the bowstring back and let the arrows fly—all of them, straight at the Enemy’s hosts.”

I’m not saying mission has to be literal missions, but would I be okay with that? Am I only praying for my children to get a good education, spouse and career, or am I praying that they would follow and love God with all their hearts, that they would be powerful and effective in God’s kingdom? This is a hard one for me. I like to think one can “have it all” in this regard: the child who is sold out for Jesus and also gets into Harvard. But that is dangerous, because those things don’t always go together. Jesus didn’t say, “seek a few things and you can have it all”; he said, “seek first the kingdom of God.” And what we seek for our children will be implicitly obvious to them. What is your vision for your kids?