Rebuke

“A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.” – Proverbs 17:10

The natural response to reproof is to be defensive. My first impulse is always to justify myself, then to discredit the other person’s points. The impulse is always to reject and deflect. Maybe that’s why this proverb talks about depth. The word for “blows” can also mean “stripes, lashes”: there’s an image there of skin-breaking physical force. The definition of being a fool here is that something which ought to penetrate you doesn’t. It doesn’t make any impression on you, and even if it were to be repeated (which rebukes often are when it’s an issue God is working on in us; have you noticed that?), it would still have no effect.

But a rebuke goes deep into a man of understanding. The word for “understanding” means “to discern, to be able to separate.” Allowing reproof to sink deep into us requires understanding. It requires that we discern the other person and ourselves, that we understand the emotions, worldviews, history, intent, blind spots, and context that plays into it all. It requires true listening, the willingness to set ourselves and our own defenses aside. It requires that we are able to separate what should be taken seriously for change, and what should be listened to and let go of. 

Ultimately, it requires that we have a sure identity: a sense of purpose and value so secure that we are pliable, we are able to absorb, receive, and respond to rebuke without a trace of pride or resentment. We find this in the gospel, which reveals the depth of our own sinfulness while also telling us we are completely secure in God’s love and good purposes for us. Christ’s defenselessness on the cross was not his weakness but his strength; not a sign of ignorance but of deep understanding. He who alone did not deserve anyone’s rebuke received it for our sake, and because of this, we are able to receive the rebuke of others.